So many people have a mental illness and don't even know it. They are just out here struggling to make sense of it all. There is a huge controversy when it comes to taking meds or just changing your diet. New research has connected mental illness with having an unhealthy gut. The gut creates serotonin. The decrease in serotonin to your brain creates the chemical imbalance. Currently, I take my meds and try to eat healthy as much as possible.

So why do people with a mental illness refuse to take their meds?

When I was diagnosed in 2009, I was given different combinations of meds until we found the right one. I remember feeling like my mind couldn't keep up with my body. Does that make sense? In that moment, I could see why one would want to commit suicide. I've never been suicidal. But, those meds made me feel like a zombie. I remember not being able to get out of bed so I just slept day after day. The side effects can be too much. One of the wrong combinations gave me severe muscle spasms. My jaw would try and twist like I had lockjaw. I would get severe pelvic pain. I went from being this happy go lucky girl to a guinea pig. I felt like life had defeated me and I was ready to give up.

You never get use to taking your meds. It's almost like you want to feel the way you did before you started taking them. In my case, I get manic. Mania is described as a mental illness marked by periods of great excitement, euphoria, delusions, and overactivity. That means I can get shit done. It's almost like a high. You can become a machine. You are super focused and excited to get things done until you crash. Then here come the lows. I remember when I worked 3 jobs at a time nonstop. It was because I wasn't taking my meds. It's almost like you feel like a superhero and you want to save the world. Many successful people have some sort of mania. You don't sleep, you barely eat, but you get shit done.

So what kind of meds do you take?

Currently I take 3 different kinds of meds. I take Haloperidol, Lamotrigine, and Benztropine. When I feel anxious, I take Clonazepam. This pill makes me sleep. Have you ever slept so good that you wake up and your whole body hurts? It's the best sleep ever! I can only take this pill when I don't have anything planned the next day.

I hope this blog post was insightful and that you can now be more compassionate when someone doesn't take their meds. They might have the wrong combinations or they are just chasing that high of being who they were before taking them.