Does your Mental Health Status Affect your relationships?

I can honestly say that I have contributed to the demise of some of my relationships. I’ve had a few boyfriends.

My relationships usually end on a good note and all my ex's miss me. It just didn't work out the way we wanted it to. I have noticed one common thing in all of my relationships, STRESS. I had to take a step back and analyze myself. What causes this huge amount of stress? I'm a nurturer by nature so I am drawn to projects. They are always people that I want to fix. When I can't fix or change them, that causes the stress. I have had seven episodes and I can say that five of them were caused by relationships.

I believe in loyalty in all of my relationships.

I've never cheated. My consicious wouldn't allow me to. Because of this, I love hard. With that being said I expect the same in return.

I remember one of my boyfriends asked me, you are so beautiful and sweet. Something has to be wrong with you. Are you crazy? At that time, I just laughed it off and told him a month later. He was like, I knew it had to be something. I don't have a problem dating or getting in a relationship its maintaining it that is the most differcult. 

Is it me or them?

This is the most difficult question that I had to ask myself. When you have a mental illness it's important to take care of yourself. When I'm in a relationship I tend to focus on my man and his needs. I'm self sacrificing. If I'm thinking about him and he's thinking about himself, who's thinking about me. This causes stress and tension in my relationships. They can't see that there's no reciprocity because our focus was always on the same thing. Them.

I think now that I am about to be 33. I deserve to be taken care of mentally and physically. I need someone who is driven and loyal. I have so much life experience that it would be nice to be able to share that with someone. To have someone take care of me for a change. I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone to find that. 

I deserve.

As my life coach would say, "Everything is always your fault". I chose them. It was my fault to try and change them. It was my fault to demand reciprocity. I stressed myself out. None of them are here now.

As I sit on my couch typing this post, I am alone. 

It was my fault.