35...

I’m officially 35, where did the time go?!

This has been the best birthday ever. So many people showed me love and appreciation. It is truly a blessing to receive your flowers while you’re still here.

For me, this has been a moment of reflection. I’ve been through a lot over the years. I honestly have no complaints because it was all necessary. I had a talk with my therapist a few days before my birthday. We were reflecting on how much progress I’ve made since my first appointment with her. I had just had an episode and was in a dark space. I made the decision to seek professional help because I didn’t want things to get any worse. So many women are hurting and don’t know why. They are afraid to seek help because of the stigma. But you see, it is deeper then just you and me. We have an obligation to ourselves, the many women that walked before us, and our children. We must heal to break generational curses, and we must make better decisions in our lives.

I’m so proud of myself for already breaking some of mine. Both my mom and grandma were married and had kids at 20. Hearing and seeing some of the things that they went through and endured in their marriages always kept me anxious and skeptical. I vowed that i would never get married until I was emotionally and mentally ready for everything that it comes with…I’ve always dreamed about my wedding day and having babies. I’ve been proposed to once. I told him no because we were not ready, and I knew at that very moment he wasn’t the one. You see, I could have said yes just to have a beautiful ring (it was freaking gorgeous by the way) and wear my beautifully fitted victorian wedding gown. But, I didn’t want a show. I want to know after the reception and everyone has gone home that we are glad we just shared the best day of our lives together, and that we are willing to fight for each other every day.

If I can’t have that then I will continue to be single. Ladies don’t let society rush you into marriage or even having kids. So many of us have made decisions based on what other people think. That is no way to live, and you end up living a life that you hate. Remember, when you can't make a decision for yourself someone else will make one for you.

I pictured my life being totally different, but I am so relieved that I didn’t get what I thought I wanted. Society would view me as a woman who is 35, single, never been married, no kids as worthless. I view myself as a woman who is 35, single, and enjoying life. It’s all about perspective ladies. I get to help raise my little sister, my nieces and nephews, and my friend’s kids until that time comes.

God always exceeds my expectations so I know the plan he has for my life these next 5 years will surpass them all. Cheers to 35!!!